Preview: SyFy’s Chupacabra vs. The Alamo

Ok, the SyFy channel of the week, something vs. something movies are usually particularly bad, even by SyFy standards.  That said, Chupacabra vs. The Alamo is so ridiculously camptastically bad that it’s hilarious.

With lines like “We got Chupacabras all up in here!” how can you not laugh?  It is also very clear from the amazingly low budget green screen shots of Erik Estrada riding his motorcycle; this was aimed more at a gore filled camp comedy than monster horror flick.  The green screens looked better in CHiPs.  This had to have been done for comedic effect especially since Estrada can ride a motorcycle.  So there was no real need for the “Special” effect, save to make us flash back to that classic TV series.

Chupacabra vs. The Alamo - 2013

Since this is a preview, I’m not going to get into any real specifics here.

The basic plot comes down to DEA agent Carlos (Erik Estrada) investigating the slaughter of several bad guys at the U.S./Mexico border, which turns into a Chupacabra hunt.  The Chupacabras for some reason decide to hunt down Carlos’ teenage daughter.  I can only guess the Chupacabras have the technical ability to track the GPS in her cell phone, because they always seem to be able to find her.

I want to get this out too, who just leaves their clothes iron sitting around turned on all the time?  Watch the movie you’ll know what I’m talking about.

The CGI on the Chupacabras is really good, for the early nineties, but that just adds to the camp charm, and some of them look a lot like the Taco Bell dog.  Some of the Chupacabra are dispatched in scenes that are reminiscent of Gremlins.

After the local High School, and Carlos’ house are attacked; the DEA joins forces with the local street gang (run by Carlos’ son) to fight the hordes of Chupacabra swarming into San Antonio

Chupacabra vs. The Alamo - 2013

As much kooky fun as Chupacabra vs. The Alamo can be there is one part where you can tell the writer, director, producer, or someone just didn’t care at all.  What is left of the DEA agents and the gang end up retreating to the Alamo.  Remember the Alamo?  Yeah I had almost forgotten it was supposed to be in the movie as well.  Beyond that Carlos gets the brilliant idea of trapping all the Chupacabras in the Alamo and blowing it up with an amazing amount of C-4.  Apparently they had a bag of holding, because I have no idea how that much C-4 fit into that one little bag.

Anyway the whole plan centers on them finding this rumored secret escape tunnel that no one has ever found.  Wouldn’t you know it; it’s behind the back wall of a utility closet.  The only wall that has not been covered in sheet rock and painted, but is instead a poorly boarded up wall.  Then on top of that the escape tunnel exits to a double door in the Alamo parking lot; keep in mind no one was ever able to find this secret tunnel.  Did no one ever think to ask where the double doors in the parking lot went to?  I mean when they painted the lines on the parking lot, they didn’t even paint the lines over the doors.

Final Thoughts:

Will Chupacabra vs. The Alamo win any awards?  No, but if you want to have some popcorn and maybe a couple of beers and heckle a movie with your friends, it can be some fun.

Chupacabra vs. the Alamo airs on the SyFy Channel on Saturday, March 23rd at 9PM ET, 8PM CT.