The Doctor Saved Us!

It’s December 22, which means the feared Mayan doomsday prophecies were averted.  How did it happen?  Much speculation abounds, but we at SciFiFX have the scoop.  The answer, apparently, is a madman with a box who was determined to make a movie.

Our source inside WETA Studios (who shall remain anonymous*) told us that she felt “confident” telling us the real story, “seeing as how nobody knows about your site anyway.”  Ouch.  But journalism marches on.

Our source reports that a mysterious man in a blue police box, calling himself “The Doctor,” met with several representatives of New Line Cinema, the Tolkien estate, and with director Peter Jackson himself.  His cunning plan?  To avert the end of civilization as we know it by distracting our would-be conquerors with High Frame Rate (or HFR) technology.

“We needed something experimental,” our source revealed.  “The alien task force is attracted to our cinema, and the way it was explained to me, something about the HFR would allow for every sixth frame to include part of a coded transmission that would shut down the biorhythms of the alien menace that perched on our doorsteps.  I don’t really understand it all myself, but it all sounded a bit far-fetched.  Still, it must have worked.  We’re still here.”

We are indeed.  But if that weren’t enough, apparently the decision to turn Tolkien’s The Hobbit into a trilogy is prompted by the next two scheduled waves of invasion.  According to our source, this would not only stop the invasion on this end, but it would allow the man in the police box to “neutralize the threat at the source.”  When asked what the threat actually entailed, we were simply told, “I’ll explain later.”

Despite our best efforts, no one from Peter Jackson’s camp nor from New Line Cinema could be reached for comment, and whoever answered the phone at the Tolkien estate replied that, “We’re not going to dignify such rubbish with a response.”  That said, we did receive another anonymous message that we were asked to post with this article.  In the hope that it’s even relevant to the story, we’ve decided to comply with the request:  “Hello, Sweetie.”  Whatever… but you never know what may come of it.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is still in theaters, and as stated, we’re still here.  Thank you, Doctor, whoever and whenever you are.



*EDIT: We can no longer even verify that our anonymous source actually works at WETA, but we’re overjoyed simply to be alive, so we’re keeping the story intact.  Any misrepresentation of Peter Jackson, New Line Cinemas, the Tolkien estate, or WETA on our parts is unintended.  We thank them all any part they may or may not have played in averting our destruction and/or enslavement.  We’d also like to take a moment to mention that you may see some changes to the timeline as a result.  For example, the Disney acquisition of Lucasfilm is now complete, or even more bizarre, James Bond is trying to win some Oscars.  What, you thought this was some sort of joke?  It’s a strange new world out there today!  Feel free to chime in below with some other timeline changes you’ve noticed!